Dirty HI 2
There once was an inspector named Ray, Who crawled under houses all day. Through cobwebs and grime, And rat shit from time, For a client who’d ask, “Is this okay?”
He’d squeeze through a crawlspace so tight, With a flashlight that barely gave light. Past pipes wrapped in tape, And a questionable scrape, While something with eight legs took flight.
Then up to the attic he’d go, Where the temperature’s roughly “hell, no.” With insulation in his hair, And mouse turds everywhere, He’d whisper, “This place needs to blow.”
He’d find wires held up with a string, A furnace that shouldn’t do anything, A toilet that rocks, A foundation with cracks, And a doorbell connected to… nothing.
The homeowner says, “It’s pristine!” While the bathtub is growing things green. There’s grease on the wall, Three dogs in the hall, And a smell that could strip a machine.
Then back at the truck comes the fight: “Now I’ve gotta build this website.” SEO, domains, Contact forms, pains, And WordPress that breaks overnight.
“Why won’t my damn website rank?” “Why’s my Google Business page blank?” “I inspect mold and roofs, I crawl under goofs, Now I’m apparently running a bank.”
So here’s to inspectors, my friend, Who crawl where the sunlight won’t bend. Through spiders and poo, Bad plumbing and goo, Then upload the report at the end.
They photograph stains with great care, Find dead rodents under the stair, Then smile and say, “Have a wonderful day!” While disinfecting their boots in despair.
So raise up your flashlight with pride, For the brave souls who crawl deep inside. From the website to muck, Through the sewage and yuck—
**Home inspectors have seen some shit. Literally.**